Oooh oooh!  It was one of those moments that couldn¡¯t wait.  The breakfast sandwich I ate this morning wasn¡¯t going down too well.  Ack!!!¡¦I hate this feeling¡¦better make it there quick.  So I speed towards to the bathroom on our floor.  All 3 bathroom stalls taken¡¦Doh!  I run upstairs to the other bathroom only to find all three of those stalls were taken as well.

 

Whoa!  What the bloody deuce??  What are the chances?  Did everyone eat the same thing I did this morning?  If so, everyone in our office should demo in front of that food stand tomorrow and burn it down.  With the anxiety kicking in, I then proceeded up to yet another floor¡¦I¡¯ll run out of floors soon if this keeps up.  Alas!  2 of the 3 stalls were taken.  No matter!  It¡¯s all good.  All I need is just one.  I open the door, Kramer-style and what do I see?  Low and behold. The Royal RB 650¡¦my eyes were glowing with astonishment.

 

What the freak you say???

 

The Royal Toto RB 650 is the toilet of all toilets.  It is a state of the art, top of the line toilet that money can buy.  I can¡¯t even think of how you can make a better toilet.  Now I¡¯m not a connoisseur of the porcelain but I do know is that when you see buttons on the side of your toilet, you should be happy.  It¡¯s a good thing. There¡¯s no need for me to go into the mechanics of how these things work, right?  I¡¯m sure most of you have seen these things before in the past.  Simply press a button and a tinkle of water sprouts up from the bottom.  Business must be good because I think you got to have a lot of money in order to have one of these installed in your bathroom.  It¡¯s probably one of the greatest inventions of our time.

 

Now this toilet was brand spanking new.  It was so new that there were still those tiny bits of plastic from the original wrapping that statically stuck to the seat.  I must have been the first one to use it.  This was great!  I plop my ass on it and uhm yeah¡¦I¡¯m going to pause for a bit here because there is no need to explain what happens next.

 

So anyway, I¡¯m thinking to myself, ¡°Am I even supposed to be in this bathroom?  This must be the executive floor.  Am I going to get fired for using the president¡¯s toilet?  I better leave as soon as I finish my business here.¡± 

 

But I was curious.  I could have just wiped and walked away.  But noo, my curiosity killed me.  I push one button and I start giggling like a little school girl.  I push another button and my toes start to curl.  I then find myself pushing all the buttons left and right, randomly like a monkey typing away at a keyboard. And then all of the sudden¡¦

 

¡°Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh¡¦.OwWWWW¡¦!!!¡±.  Ow as in ouch.  Oww as in this hurts a lot. This button I pushed wasn¡¯t a little tinkle.  This was painful!  It was like a Super Soaker 2000 shooting straight up at close range.  I almost jumped right off the toilet.  I don¡¯t care who you are¡¦this didnt’ feel good.  They must have not adjusted all the settings on this toilet when they installed it cause this was straight up painful. 

 

My shriek was so loud it brought people from the offices outside to come into the bathroom to see what happened.  Even women were crowding around the bathroom to see what was going on. 

 

Someone asks in Korean, ¡°Are you ok in there?¡± 

 

So much for trying to be incognito¡¦there was no way I was slipping away from this one.  ¡°Yes, I¡¯m ok¡¦thank you.¡± I reply.

 

¡°Puahahaha¡¦it¡¯s that new gypo guy.  I can tell by his accent.¡± 

 

Aigo.  =(